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Text Section 1 The Tragic Brother Xiao Long

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    In 1993, on the day I was born, the fat nurse was carrying me to the nursery, but her foot slipped and I fell forward!  And he pressed me firmly down there!  If it weren't for my tenacious vitality, I would have been crushed to death by these more than 200 kilograms of meat balls!  ¡°My father is uneducated, so he was confused when it came to choosing a name.  Just at this time, Bruce Lee's "The Dragon Crossing the River" was playing on the TV, so my dad was immediately inspired. He slapped the table and said, "Let's call him Bruce Lee!" What a coincidence, my dad's surname is Li.  Submit the birth certificate to the relevant department and give me a registered permanent residence.  I don¡¯t know which grandson did it, but he wrote Bruce Lee as Zhang Xiaolong!  So the biggest joke ever appeared on my household registration book!  My biological father¡¯s name is Li Guofu, and my name is Zhang Xiaolong. I¡¯m talking about your uncle. Which 2B idiot gave me the hukou?  Have you ever seen a son who doesn¡¯t have the same surname as his father?  But my family came from a rural area and my parents were uneducated, so the matter fell into place.  When I was 5 years old, I wore crotchless pants and played throwing stones with four children. As a result, I smashed the glass of Uncle Li¡¯s house next door!  I swear!  The stone that hit the glass of Uncle Li's house was definitely not thrown by me!  It was four other kids who did it!  When Uncle Li came out and asked who did it, the four grandsons pointed at me at the same time. That was a tacit understanding!  Silence is better than sound here!  I'm just screwing, so you grandsons are cheating on me, right?  I will never play with you again!  I was thinking viciously As a result, my father paid for the glass and gave me a nasty beating when I got home.  When I was 6 years old, I was walking behind my mother, but I forgot that she had the habit of closing the door. As a result, my head was caught in the door. I cried loudly and my head was swollen like a big-headed monster baby.  It took many months for the swelling to subside.  When I was 7 years old, my teacher refused to let me advance from kindergarten to first grade because I confused the Chinese pinyin with the English alphabet. As a result, I was gloriously declassified!  When I was 8 years old, I showed off my stink during class and took out a bottle of Jianlibao drink and shook it in front of other children. When I opened the ring, all the drink spurted out, making my deskmate Xiaohui's chest wet. I hurriedly  Help her wipe it!  As a result, the school bell rang and the teacher came in. He was a bald middle-aged man with a rather wretched appearance. He saw me rubbing Xiaohui's chest and shouted at the top of his lungs: "Let that girl go!" Then  He took me to the office and gave me ideological education.  They said I was precocious, blasphemous to my female classmates, and of a bad nature, and they almost had me expelled.  Later, my father gave the grandson two big roosters, and he allowed me to stay. He also said that the death penalty can be avoided, but the living crime cannot be escaped, so I was allowed to stay in the kindergarten for another year.  When I was 9 years old, I finally graduated from kindergarten!  The father's eyes filled with tears, and he told everyone: My son has a future!  When I was 11 years old, the factory where my father worked was facing bankruptcy. At a critical moment, my father made a move and actually saved the entire factory!  In order to thank his father, the chairman promoted him to manager and asked him to study with pay, from Chinese pinyin to financial management.  To say that this person is really destined, who knew that my father, who came out to work in a rural area, could encounter such a good thing?  In the same year, several children and I went to someone else¡¯s garden to steal apples. As a result, someone else¡¯s dog discovered us and chased us!  We ran like hell!  I don¡¯t know what happened. I was obviously running in front, but the dog just took a fancy to me!  He passed several other children and threw me to the ground, biting me violently!  Those grandsons were too unloyal, and they all disappeared!  Later, I went to the hospital for several stitches and a rabies vaccine. The school was afraid that I would infect my classmates, so they gave me a 6-month vacation, which was longer than the summer vacation. This time I was so happy!  At the same time, the chairman of Dad¡¯s factory bought a building for my family in the city so that Dad could go to work.  So we moved, and I said goodbye to the grandchildren who had cheated me for more than ten years!  When I was 12 years old, my parents were not at home. I wanted to clean the glass and give them a surprise.  As a result, I couldn't stand firm and fell straight down!  I live on the second floor!  Just live on the second floor!  But I broke a leg!  When I was 13 years old, I went to the restroom with my elementary school classmates to learn how to smoke. The dean suddenly came to the restroom to check!  These grandchildren are very experienced. They throw cigarette butts directly into the toilet and flush it, and then they quickly take out gum from their pockets and chew it hard!  I'm the only one who still sucks at the cigarette butt and smiles stupidly at the dean I'm 14 years old and failed to confess my love to a girl!  Decided to commit suicide by buying a bottle of pesticide!  I spent 130 yuan in exchange for pesticides from the owner of the pesticide store. As a result, a piece of my toenail fell out of my drink. I vomited all night and was exhausted the next morning.  At the age of 15, I looked back and realized that my life was full of tragedies, so I committed suicide by buying pesticides for the second time!  But this time I learned a lesson and changed to a pesticide store. After I bought it, I opened the bottle cap and found that I had actually won another bottle!  Tears filled my eyes, and I thought it had been fifteen years!  Fifteen years!  I finally won another drink!  At that time, I didn't care about committing suicide. I took the bottle cap and ran to the pesticide store. I asked the boss again.I bought a bottle, then returned home with a silly smile. I saw my parents sitting on the sofa, and the pesticide bottle without the cap was placed on the coffee table. They looked at me with a stern expression, but I got another beating.  Damn it, from then on I vowed never to drink pesticides again! ? 16 years old, standing under a telephone pole to urinate, but unexpectedly the pole leaked electricity!  The paralysis almost electrocuted me!  I cried at that time. Damn, I offended someone. I just wanted to pee and almost killed myself!  At the age of 17, I was admitted to a nearby ordinary high school at my own expense.  My report card can be described in a poem: There are a sea of ??people in front of me, but I am the only one in the back.  So if you can get into a self-funded high school, you should be very proud of it.  Although my grades were poor and I was ranked last among other things, I still got into high school after all!  Dad decided to hold a college entrance banquet!  In the same year, my mother bought me a ¡®Ke Basket 1258¡¯ and let me ride it to school every day. I didn¡¯t have any objections. The school was not far from home and I could ride home in about fifteen minutes.  Riding a bicycle, I became more and more proficient in cycling skills. Now I can completely let go of the handlebars and ride, just like acrobatics.  But something unexpected happened!  When I let go of the handlebars, I didn't notice a pebble in front of me. As a result, the front tire ran over it and I fell straight down. My chin hook fell off and my left arm was broken. My parents rushed me to the hospital.  Hospitalization.  I stayed in the hospital for seven days, with my arm in a cast and the hook on my chin hooked back up again.  My girlfriend who I had been with for three months came to visit me in the hospital. She said "You are a good person" and left.  I thought to myself, you actually want to call me a fool, and that¡¯s right. Who can bear the thought of having his head caught in a door when he was a child, squatting in kindergarten for two years, breaking his legs if he fell from the second floor, and drinking pesticides for the second time?  A macho man who failed to commit suicide, almost got electrocuted when he peed, and was able to drop his chin hook while riding a bicycle?  On the day I was discharged from the hospital, the doctor told me that after the chin hook fell off once, it would be easy to fall off again in the future, so he taught me how to reattach the chin hook myself, and told me to pay attention not to chew too fast or talk too fast when eating in the future.  The speed cannot be too fast, the mouth cannot be opened wide to shout or sing Although I have tried my best to pay attention to this problem, accidents still happen from time to time.  One time when I was eating in the cafeteria at noon, my jaw dropped while I was eating and my mouth was watering. As a result, three old women across from me called me a stinky bitch and a stinky gangster. I was in trouble. No matter how bad my eyesight was, I couldn't see  Are you three dinosaurs drooling?  I'm so speechless Soon, my name spread throughout the high school.  In Qingtian City No. 2 Middle School, you don¡¯t have to know the No. 1 school beauty, but you absolutely can¡¯t miss the No. 1 joke, Mr. Zhang Xiaolong.  Anyway, man, I am considered a celebrity. I have a 90% return rate in school. Everyone is whispering behind my back. No one in the class wants to be friends with me. It doesn¡¯t matter. They have eyes.  I didn¡¯t know Taishan, so I didn¡¯t realize my macho side at all.  It is already mid-October, and when school is over in the evening, the sky has completely darkened.  On the way home by bicycle, I found a group of people watching something in front of me.  Had a car accident?  I like to watch the excitement, so I pushed my favorite basket 1258 forward and managed to squeeze in. Before I could see the situation clearly, I heard an old voice tremblingly shouting: "Grandson, grandson, grandson, grandson, grandson,  "Save Grandpa!" I saw a sloppy old man lying on the side of the road, pointing his index finger at me.  I pointed to my nose and asked, "Me?" I didn't know this old man at all, but I was sure he was referring to me!  Dude, I kept clicking on my back, watching the fun and picking up a bargain, grandpa. This kind of thing is not uncommon. I have been numb from being tortured.  "It's you! Grandson!" The old man shouted in a friendly way! ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I have been memorizing, does not mean our IQ is low.  I nodded and asked, "Do you know what my name is?" "Zhang Xiaolong." The old man replied quickly and concisely.  "How do you know?!" I asked in surprise.  At this time, a passerby said: "Boy, are you a student of No. 2 Middle School? You pretended not to know your own grandfather. This is such a bad character. I want to go to your school and talk to your principal." The old man also said  : "Grandson, come and help me. Grandpa has raised you since you were a child. You must be filial to grandpa." "Be filial to your grandma!"  Today is definitely the most embarrassing moment I have ever had.  If I don't help the old man now, I will probably be expelled from the school. If I help him, the old guy will probably be a philanderer and will rely on me in the future.  Because there were so many people watching, I could only come to the old man and help him up.  The old man whisperedHe said, "Hey, you're confused as to why I know your name, right? The school stamp on your chest revealed your identity." I fell into a trough at that time and almost threw him back to the ground without letting go.
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