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Volume 1 text ¡¾013¡¿Coming out

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    "I can't wait any longer!" At half past eight, Roger slammed the table. His face turned red and his neck was thick after a few glasses of wine. He directly stopped Tietou who wanted to open his mouth to speak. He spoke very quickly, with blazing anger: "I  I know what you want to say. Distance is no excuse. You guys are farther away than the rest of them!" After speaking, Roger began to take off his clothes, revealing his bandaged upper body.  We were so moved that we couldn¡¯t tell whether he suffered a work-related injury or was stabbed several times.  "Who did it?" Da Ben stood up. This was in line with his usual style. When there were group fights in the past, he always rushed to the front.  "Sit down." Roger, who was shirtless and blowing in the cold air, was much calmer than before taking off his clothes. His speech rate returned to normal frequency and his tone was much calmer: "I sent Duoduo to study this morning and ran into a van head-on.  Don¡¯t be nervous, Duoduo is fine, I was slightly injured.¡± The more he told us not to be nervous, the more nervous we became.  Roger caught up with the first train of the 1980s. He was born on January 1, 1980, and can be regarded as the oldest born in the 1980s.  He missed a grade in elementary school, another grade in junior high school, and another grade in high school. After many twists and turns, he became our classmate.  He was the first of us to get married and the first of us to get divorced.  ¡°Of course, he was also the first of us to have a child.  Duoduo is seven years old this year. He is Roger¡¯s son and his lifeblood.  "I didn't feel scared when the car crashed, nor when I went to the hospital. I was really scared when the doctor took Duoduo for examination. It's okay not to think about this kind of thing, but the more I think about it, the more scared I am." Roger told him  Terrified, the conversation suddenly changed: "I called Fire the first time. He didn't believe it at all and told me not to make such a joke so early in the morning." These words made our silence deeper. I put myself in his shoes and thought,  If Roger called me and told me that he had rolled over, my first reaction would probably be "really or not" rather than considering the extent of his injuries.  "When we were in school, we heard that the wind was like rain. In my sophomore year of high school, someone said that Tietou was beaten in the gymnasium. Twelve of us rushed to the gymnasium carrying steel pipes. Da Ben even lost one of his shoes. When we got there,  It turns out that someone else spread the rumors, and Tietou is fine. Now we can no longer do this kind of thing. This is the price of growing up. I don't blame Fire. From another perspective, when I heard about this kind of thing, my reaction was similar to his.  "Roger poured himself a glass of wine and said to himself: "I was lying in the hospital this morning thinking that if I were killed, there would be some things you would never know for the rest of my life. I have been holding back these things for five years.  I¡¯m telling you, but I don¡¯t know what to say. Today I finally have the courage, so I call you. I¡¯m afraid I won¡¯t dare tell you again after today.¡± At this moment, we can all feel Roger¡¯s emotions.  pain.  It sounds pretty damning. We flew all the way here just to hear Roger say a few words. Now that I see Roger¡¯s appearance, I understand that he may have never been as serious as he is today in his life.  "That year when I was fighting with Lao Niu, I got so angry. It wasn't that what he said was wrong. He was absolutely right. I have been trying to redeem myself all my life. These words touched the most painful place for me. When I was young, I didn't  I was sensible and broke my parents' hearts. Later, I wanted to redeem myself and went on a blind date according to my mother's advice. I got married at the age of twenty-four and got divorced after more than a year. I still wanted to redeem myself and worked hard to let my children live well.  You have to be better." At this point, Roger's voice was full of tears: "Then something happened, and I didn't know how to redeem it Duoduo was two years old, and I realized that I liked it.  Man!¡± The six of us were stunned on the spot and didn¡¯t even dare to express our anger.  "I have had several 'friends' secretly over the years, and I have met the right one. I have been dating him for three years." Roger's voice was completely choked up. He held his head and pinched his temples with his thumbs, and then said  : "I don't dare to tell my parents. I don't know what Duoduo will think of me when he grows up. I'm not sure what you will do to me if you know the truth." No one of us answered, and no one knew what to do.  Pick up what Roger said.  Roger lowered his hand from his head, looked at each of us one by one, and said, "The last time we came here was on National Day in 2002, and that day was Niu Shuang's 20th birthday. I remember there were several people there that day.  They all came from other places. Abin took a special flight back from Shanghai. It was his first time on a plane. That day Lao Niu said that he stopped studying and wanted to go out alone. We are here to see him off" Today  I was quite calm at night, but after hearing this, I couldn't be calm anymore.  I feel like I already want to cry, but I can¡¯t cry no matter how much I think about it. This situation is very uncomfortable.  Over the years, I have always wanted to find an opportunity to cry alone behind closed doors. Based on past experience, I have never really cried loudly.The pressure accumulated in my body will be much less, but unfortunately I don¡¯t cry every time.  Roger was still saying: "That night we agreed to meet here ten years later and see who can do better then. But each of us has forgotten about it. It was exactly ten years since the National Day last year, and no one mentioned it.  Today I stood up and mentioned it. Ten and a half years is not far off. " "I still remember that day when Yuanyuan said that when we meet again in ten years, everyone will be a rich man with Xiaomi in his arms.  , Yuanyuan is really an inspirational brother, he can say it and do it. Among us, he is the only one who has experienced Xiaomi. Lao Niu is also an inspirational brother. He said that he must travel to half of China, but we didn't expect it.  He has spent so many years with his bare hands that he can travel from Hunan to Henan with just one platform ticket. The two of them made me believe that as long as a person persists in his belief, he can achieve what he wants. " "I don't know.  Is it too late to mention my dream at the age of thirty-three? If I don¡¯t mention it, I will never have the chance again. Starting from last year, my partner and I have a ten-year plan, hoping to go abroad in ten years.  If same-sex marriage is accepted, I will marry him. You know how bad my English is. I didn¡¯t learn foreign languages ??again until I was in my thirties, but I don¡¯t want to give up. I am afraid that Duoduo will be ashamed of me when he grows up.  I am afraid that because of my sexual orientation, he will not be able to hold his head up as a human being. I want to go to a place with an open mind. I hope that when Duoduo grows up, he will feel that I am a normal person. " "This is why I called you here today, and what I want to say.  That's it." At this point, Roger picked up the wine glass and said in a serious tone: "Everyone still regards me as a friend, so just pick up the glass and have a drink with me. If you don't want to, you can leave immediately. I don't blame you."  While talking, no one raised a toast.  Roger was the only one performing a one-man show, and his hand holding the cup was shaking.  After a while, Leizi, who had always been active, finally couldn't bear the loneliness. He said, "Brother Jie, you are so unconvincing, when are you going to bring your 'sister-in-law' out to meet us?" Da Ben walked over to take pictures.  Roger's shoulder and said: "Gua Wa Zi, you underestimate me. Do you think I haven't heard of the story of good gay friends walking together as a group?"  "Yuanyuan was particularly heartless: "Brother Jie, I want to discuss something with you. I know a few girls who really want to find a good friend as their best friend. How about I introduce you to them and you can go hang out together.  I'm doing a beauty treatment at the hot spring. Can you take some secret photos for me?" I didn't say anything. I walked over and patted Roger on the shoulder. Roger put down the cup and burst into tears like a child.  Also accompanied by rich body language, it is hard to imagine that a man in his thirties could cry so earth-shatteringly.  At this moment, the ruthless butcher's knife of time passes through our bodies.  On this day, my brother Roger officially came out as gay.
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