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Volume 1 Chapter 11 The Birthday of King Helianbobo

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    My name is Zeng Qiang, I am 64 kilograms tall and weigh 1.72 meters. When I was a child, I always liked to kick people in the crotch when we fought with them. As a result, I got a series of titles. My legend was left everywhere on campus: "Little strong man, I don't know what he is."  As a person, the word kicks the crotch, and the word hurts the layman."  Many people told me, don¡¯t always cut off your children and grandchildren. If you kick your crotch too much, you will be punished. If your feet are infected with syphilis, it will be over.  But I was young and vigorous at that time, and I didn¡¯t believe in fate at all, until I met Liu Laoqi. This old guy used his wretched face to mosaic my glorious life of more than 20 years.  I often think that people don¡¯t laugh many times for a joke, but why do they cry many times for another person?  Now I understand that others often cry because of love, but I cry because of sadness.  On such a sunny night, I am going to go shopping for clothes with a ghost and three monsters.  Thinking about it makes me feel illusory. I have always hoped that I would be the protagonist of an urban ambiguous novel, but only now do I realize that I am starring in a large-scale time-travel science fiction drama about gods, demons, supernatural beings and a bitter love story.  Famous Internet writer Zhang Xiaohua once said that people will inevitably be defeated by fate!  So we must learn to be strong. If you can't learn it, then these two words may be reversed.  "You guys, listen up!" I yelled, which startled all four of them. In an instant, eight eyes looked at me. I was not scared at all and pointed at them.  The nose said: "I don't care what your status was before, but now this is my era. You must listen to me when you go out. You are not allowed to rely on your own magic power to mess around, and you are not allowed to hurt anyone. Do you hear me?"  With a face like frozen meat in a meat warehouse, the Bull Demon King smiled and said: "We haven't planned to do anything yet, Xiaoqiang, why are you so nervous?" After Honghai'er heard this, he said with a confused face: "What can we do?  "The Bull Demon King said: "It's nothing, just killing people and setting things on fire." Hong Boy's eyes lit up: "What a great idea, I haven't done this for a long time." I took a deep breath and opened the house.  The bathroom inside was smelly: "You" Just when I was about to speak, there was a knock on the door suddenly. I was shocked and quickly said to Sanyao and Sadako: "Hide quickly.  Get up and hide. "My house is rented. If the landlord knows that I have a female ghost or three monsters in this house, he will fight me tooth and nail."  However, when I opened the door, I found that the person standing outside was not the landlord, but Chen Ruolan, the owner of our pet shop. I was surprised and said: "Sister Chen, why are you here?" Chen Ruolan shook a cake and a bag in her hand.  A bottle of red wine, a pair of big black and white eyes with a hint of joking: "Someone has a birthday today." I was stunned for a moment, and then I remembered that today is really my birthday. I didn't expect that she would remember it, and I was a little happy.  I lowered my head and immediately discovered through the transparent cake box lid that there was a line of words written in butter on the cake: "Happy birthday to King Helianbobo." I scratched my head: "Isn't it your birthday to King Helianbobo?"  Who is it?" Chen Ruolan said calmly: "No one, just to get you more cream." Me: "" He really knows how to live, otherwise he is the boss.  Chen Ruolan said: "Won't you invite me in?" "Okay" I just finished speaking, and suddenly I held the door frames on both sides with my hands: "Wait a minute, this this Sister Chen, cough, I  I'm not feeling well today, um How about I save my birthday for tomorrow?" I held my stomach and pretended to be uncomfortable.  Chen Ruolan glanced at me in surprise: "Are you feeling unwell? Where are you? Is it okay?" I was about to speak, and the Bull Demon King seemed to be talking to Princess Iron Fan inside: "She's a little beauty, Xiaoqiang, this boy is so handsome  Not bad." Chen Ruolan heard a sound inside the house and looked inside: "What's the sound inside?" "It's nothing!" I waved my hand quickly, "That's my uncle, so"  Chen Ruolan looked at me holding my stomach, and her expression became very wonderful for a moment I was sweating profusely, and just when I was about to explain, Sadako suddenly came out from behind. I gave her a surprised look: "I didn't ask you to  Hiding it?" Sadako spread her hands helplessly: "The TV is broken." Me: "" Chen Ruolan glanced at Sadako in surprise, and then sneered: "I wonder why your uncle is here today.  , It turns out that the beauty is hidden in the golden house." After Chen Ruolan finished speaking, she pushed the cake and red wine in her hand into my arms with a sneer. Her expression was as cold as the thousand-year-old murals on the stone wall, which seemed to be blown away by the wind.  Can completely blur the feeling: "Don't be late tomorrow morning, today?If you miss work for half a day, it will be deducted from this month's salary.  Come to work early tomorrow, I have something to do for you.  " "No, Sister Chen, didn't I ask for leave" Before I could finish speaking, Chen Ruolan had already drifted away and disappeared into the dark staircase. I was so depressed that I wanted to vomit blood, and walked back to the house with a dark face.  , Bull Demon King and Iron Fan Princess looked at me with half-smiling faces. Red Boy ran over and snatched the cake and red wine from my hand. Sadako lowered her head and said nothing, but for some reason, I  There is always a feeling that she did it on purpose. "You" I pointed at them and wanted to curse a few words, but I didn't know what to say. They didn't seem to have done anything wrong. The only one to blame was me.  Bitter. When Chen Ruolan told me that today was my birthday, I even had the feeling that I was going to counterattack. The beautiful boss with a delicate figure and a cold face, how many men like her, I almost felt like it.  It was successful, but I have always thought that there are three types of men in this world. The first type is more hypocritical. They think that when looking for a wife, you must find a beautiful woman, which is more face-saving; the second type is more humble. They think  Just find a beautiful woman for your wife, why bother to remember so much; the third type of person is very realistic, you must find a beautiful woman, otherwise how can you live this life? I always thought that I was the second type of person, inheriting the Chinese name.  It is the traditional virtue of the tribe to love beautiful women. When I was in the first grade of junior high school, I whistled at the new beauty in the class - of course I didn't know that she was new to us.  Class teacher. But later, I gradually discovered that the Cowherd fell in love with the Weaver Girl, and they could only meet once a year; Dong Yong fell in love with the Seventh Fairy, and the Seventh Fairy was imprisoned; Xu Xian fell in love with Bai Suzhen, and Bai Suzhen was imprisoned in Leifeng.  Tower. Countless bloody facts tell me that if you want to be with a goddess, you will not end well. Even if people can tolerate you, God will not tolerate you! I still remember that I almost fell in love with one when I was in college!  Girl, I was still in my prime years, and it was the season of pretense. I pretended to be a literary young man, speaking like Lu Xun but not speaking like Gorky, and finally attracted the attention of a girl. At that time, the girl almost agreed, at least I was a little worried in the end.  He asked: "What if my mother finds out and doesn't agree with us being together?  " I didn't know which tendon was wrong at the time, so I said directly: "Qian Zhongshu once said, 'If you eat an egg and think it's good, why do you need to know the hen that laid the egg?  ¡¯ I think your eggs are pretty good. Why do we care about your mother¡¯s opinion?  " Then, there is no more The happiness of happy people is different, but the misfortunes of unhappy people are all the same. I sighed and looked at them: "Let's go!  "Our group of three demons and one ghost walked out of the room.
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