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Volume 1 Chapter 31 My First Love

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    Sadako pulled my sleeve and said, "Don't talk about this kind of topic with a cat. Just buy me some food." Although Sadako didn't understand what the kitten was saying, she still  But he could understand what I said and gave me suggestions.  The kitten named Tiger nodded happily to me after listening to Sadako's words. They can understand everyone's words.  I looked at the tiger with eyes full of expectation: "Okay, take us to find the parrot first, and when we find it, I'll buy you fish to eat." Alas, these days, when I help others eliminate harm for the people, I also have to buy things to bribe the beneficiaries.  What kind of world is this?  I can't help but think of when I was a kid, I often wrote about helping an old lady cross the road in my compositions. These things were considered good things for good people at that time. Thinking about it now, I can only lament how brave I was at that time.  Chickens understand the warmth and coldness of human relationships best, and ducks are prophets of the world.  Judging from the cautious nature of people's lives today, even the streaking we did when we were children is more passionate than the modern people's declaration of office.  To make sure I didn't regret it, the tiger stretched out a paw: "Pull the hook!" I squeezed his little paw, and the tiger jumped out of my arms, turned around and said to me: "Follow me."  The window jumped out.  Me: "" How can I follow this?  Zhu Fan looked at the empty window and looked at me with a look of sadness and anger: "I only have this cat left, and you said it jumped off the building, so you have to pay for my cat!" Sadako was afraid of Zhu Fan's strength.  I was so hurt that I quickly stood between the two of us, waved my hand towards Zhu Fan and said, "No, Xiaoqiang didn't advise your cat to jump off the building. Besides, cats have nine lives, so he won't die even if he jumps off the building."  " Zhu said after eating: "But I almost killed him eight times before. " Sadako: "" I said with a dark face: "Then you are still talking about me? Come downstairs with me, if you don't want to.  I want your two cats, just——if you don't want them, you have to go. Now you are the only one here who has the ability to stop your parrot." Zhu was a little startled by my sullen expression.  He timidly said: "Where are you going? What happened to my parrot?" "It turned into a cat monster. I don't know where it has gone now. We have to follow the tiger to find it. He is a kitten, so he can probably smell the parrot.  Taste, follow me." I explained patiently.  Zhu Fan was shocked at first, and then shouted excitedly: "Did aliens invade? Is the end of the world coming? I asked you why there was a huge meteor shower like yours yesterday, it was great!" Sadako watched  Looking at him: "Are you afraid that the world will not be in chaos?" Zhu said excitedly: "It's the end of the world. How wonderful is it? I need at least three days off, right?" "To others, everything is the same as usual, but to you,  The end of the world is not far away." I scared Zhu Zhan, "Do you know why your parrot was infected by the evil spirit and turned into a monster? Because there is a ghost spirit living in your house, and he has possessed the parrot.  And because you stay with monsters all day long, you are not far away from Che Gao becoming a monster. Otherwise, why do you think you have become so powerful?" After saying these words, I looked at Zhu helplessly.  The hairs on his face stood up while he was eating, and he looked at me with chattering teeth: "What should I do?" "Don't be afraid, as long as you listen to me, I guarantee your safety." After saying that, I felt like I was doing something wrong.  I am a pyramid schemer. It seems that after being in contact with Liu Laoqi for a long time, I have become good at cheating. It turns out that magic sticks can be contagious.  After listening to my words, Zhu Fan could only choose to seek refuge with me, but he looked reluctant and looked at his room in horror: "How could there be a ghost? Why am I so unlucky?" I sighed,  He Sadako led him downstairs and followed the tiger forward, thinking to himself, are you still unlucky?  Why don't you look at me?  We are all created when we are born, and then shaped by school. The teacher tells us a lot of things that are exactly the opposite of reality, making us naively think that we can change the entire world, but only later do we discover that the next step in our being shaped by school  , that is, being transformed by society.  When we surrender to this society, it is what others call maturity.  "However, such a life is not unfortunate. There are two types of people who are happiest in the world, the sages and the saints. The former think about nothing, while the latter have figured everything out and don't think about anything.  Zhu Fan obviously belongs to the former, so he should be happy.  And I belong to neither the former nor the latter. Although I never hesitated when it was time to be an idiot, I had a career as a literary youth during my youth, and I had a heavy understanding of why people live.  I have thought about the topic, and because I didn’t think about it, I survived.  The famous Internet writer Zhang Xiaohua once said, "People will always be defeated by something invisible and intangible." Anyone who is not intelligent enough but thinks about life will eventually?His life will not last long.  But I woke up in time and survived by pretending to be stupid, but I met an old guy like Liu Laoqi. This is like a boy who has worked hard for twenty years and finally got a wife, but before getting married,  I was castrated in one night, who could be worse than me?  If life is a pile of shit, I am a dung beetle, so fate loudly said to me: "Play with a ball! Get out!" And any resistance I have to fate's arrangement is like the "must win" shouted by the national football team before going out.  Or the "elegant butterfly" mentioned by the heroine in the pornographic film can only have the opposite effect.  The only thing I can do now is to take Sadako with me, defend the earth, and strive to be a hero of the universe.  Thinking of this, I couldn't help but sigh: In this ruthless world, you have deprived me of the opportunity to be a happy evil pen!  We followed the tiger around the city for a long time. It was getting dark. Sadako put away her umbrella and looked at me anxiously: "How long will it take to find it? The house where Zhu was eating was destroyed.  That means the parrot is in a very dangerous situation now. It might hurt people everywhere, so we have to feel happy. " I'm also a little anxious, if there really is a cat monster that eats people in the busy city.  The scene is expected to attract national attention.  By that time, if I want to take back the meteorite or something, it will be difficult.  While urging the tiger, I turned on my phone and checked the city's news. Fortunately, there was no news about monsters hurting people.  There is a lot of news about the meteorites last night. Although there is Red Boy in the sky to help this time, his one-man power is meager after all. There are still many giant meteorites falling, and even more small ones. Our city  The loss is not small.  Judging from the news, several thirty-story office buildings in the city were smashed with large holes and were on the verge of collapse. The economic losses were very serious and there were many casualties. Several hospitals in the city were full.  The leaders here are very busy trying to calm down the people.  Yesterday was supposed to be the Chinese Valentine's Day, and a meteor shower fell from the sky. What a romantic thing. Unfortunately, God was too generous, and it fell directly on the heads of lovers. This time there is really a poem to prove it. The poem says: Rains fall heavily during the Chinese Valentine's Day.  Couples from all walks of life wanted to die; everyone ran away with their heads in arms, but they were still beaten and bleeding.  Although this standard seven-character rhyme poem is not very well written, the key is that it rhymes with the same pattern and has neat contrasts, which is quite a legacy of the prosperous Tang Dynasty.  Tiger finally led a few of us and stopped outside a bar called "Don't Come Back When You're Drunk".  Yesterday's meteor shower did not affect today's business, and there were still many men and women coming to have fun.  I pointed to the bar in surprise and looked at the tiger: "Are you sure this is here?" The tiger nodded: "Yes, it is here. I can still smell the smell inside. The parrot must be in there." The kitten became  After killing a monster, the first thing you do is go to a bar?  It seems that the night life of cats is not just about catching mice.  I looked around and saw a few hungry, emaciated wild dogs lying next to the trash can in the corner of the bar. Taking advantage of the fact that no one was paying attention to me, I waved to them: "You guys, come here."  The wild dogs looked around: "We?" I nodded: "Come here, I have something to ask you." I took out some food from my pocket, which was used to coax the tigers, and waved it to them:  "As long as you answer my question, you will have something to eat." The wild dogs hesitated for a moment and said, "We don't have much meat anyway, so we are not afraid that you will catch us and eat us. But if you have anything, just ask.  , we won’t go there, if you think you can’t bear it, just give me something to eat.” I asked, “Did you see a cat demon enter this bar today?” “Cat demon?  No, but I did see an unconventional cat go in. The cat's fur was dyed colorful, and it looked like a parrot," said a wild dog.  I stood up and asked Zhu Fan: "Have the feathers of your parrots been dyed?" Zhu Fan nodded in surprise: "How do you know?" I ignored him and threw all the food in my hand to the wild animals.  Dogs, those wild dogs were ecstatically grabbing food. Only one wild dog didn't move. I looked at him and said, "Isn't that too few?" "No, you are the first person who can talk to us, and you are also trustworthy.  . I don’t want to be so full and hungry. If you have any work in the future, you can come to me and give me some food. We can do many things, such as helping you pick up the skirts of passing girls.  " "Tai, Tai, Tai, who did you learn to be so mean?" "Humans!" "" Me: "Okay, I don't need it for now, I will come to you when I need it later."  "Then what's your name? My name is Wolf Head," the wild dog said impatiently. ?"Xiaoqiang!" I feel inferior even when I say my name. Even a wild dog's name is more powerful than mine.  “Brother Qiang!” A group of wild dogs shouted in unison without any guidance.  "" Oh, yes!  They are reduced to being brothers with wild dogs.  A few of us walked into the bar. It was extremely noisy inside. In addition to a lot of lustful men, there were also many beautiful girls. This is a bit problematic. It should be a lot of scantily clad people.  Women have created a lot of lusty men.  Men go to bars to find excitement, while women go to bars mostly to be stimulated.  In this era, more and more men are looking for stimulation, and more and more women are experiencing stimulation.  In the eyes of young men and women, love has completely become a human earlobe. The only purpose of its existence is to hurt it, make a hole, and then hang earrings to show off.  In the eyes of many people, love is like masturbating. No matter how exciting the process is, its essence is just two words: bullshit!  If the love of those born in the 1980s is like instant noodles, pursuing fast and simple things, then the love of people after that is like dry noodles, even the process of soaking is omitted, just dry I rarely come to bars before, no  Because I am so noble, but because the consumption here is too high, I cannot afford to be a pervert.  But now for all the people in the world, for the sake of world peace, I am here.  The first time I entered the bar, I saw the colorfully dyed tabby cat. She was being held in the arms of a woman.  "Parrot!" Zhu Xian obviously saw the kitten held by the woman at the door, but when he shouted, the kitten immediately broke away from the woman's arms, jumped onto the dance floor, and disappeared instantly.  Gone.  "Hey, where did you go?" We all lowered our heads and looked for it.  "Xiaoqiang, is that you?" I was looking for the parrot with my head down, but I heard the woman holding the cat call my name. I looked up in surprise, and immediately felt that it looked very familiar.  "Who are you?" I thought hard for a long time, but I couldn't remember who this woman was. I'm supposed to be such a serious person, right?  How do you meet a woman in a bar?  If we really knew each other, wouldn't I have been led astray by her long ago?  Seeing that I had been thinking hard for a long time, but with no results, the woman said a little unhappy: "You don't even remember me, I am Tan Ling, do you still remember?" "Uh" How could it be her? ?? Okay, I want to confess something here that I have never explained before. Brother Xiaoqiang, my emotional life is actually not a blank slate. I also liked a girl in high school, and this is the girl in front of me.  At that time, everyone was talking about girlfriends, and I dismissed it at first. But later, everyone had girlfriends, but I didn't. I became an outlier, and they all started to look down on me when I met them.  Having a girlfriend doesn’t necessarily bring you face, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you lose face. So on a dark and windy night, I stuffed a love letter into the desk of a female classmate in my class.  The love letter is very touching, and the sentence that I still remember most is: "I am willing to fly away as a butterfly with you."  The next day, this love letter appeared on our class teacher’s desk. The class teacher’s comment on this love letter was: “You are so fucking annoying to me.” It turns out that love can not only break out of a cocoon and become a butterfly, but it can also become a moth.  Put out the fire. ????我的初恋就这么无疾——有疾而终了（我爸把我狠揍了一顿）。  But this is also a good thing for me. The pain of secret love and unrequited love is that you can neither give up nor give up.  My heart is like a seedling that has been watered with hot urine, dead to death. Although I still haven’t studied hard since then, those who have fallen in love can’t study hard anymore. Some of them were not as good as me in the college entrance examination.  Well, I smiled proudly~~I smiled proudly~~ I didn’t expect to meet my first love here again today, I felt like - wait a minute!  The red button on the small gourd in my hand kept flashing. I looked Tan Ling up and down, pointed at the black stone pendant about the size of a finger on her neck and asked, "Is this made of meteorite?"
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